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The Million Mustache March

Tie your walking shoes and grab your mustache wax, my bearded brethren, because there is another march to be trekked, this time in Washington D.C.  The Million Mustache March, organized by the American Mustache Institute (AMI), is a walk from the U.S. Capitol Building to the White House to help raise support for the Stimulus to Allow Critical Hair Expenses, or “The Stache Act.”  If passed, The Stache Act will provide a $250 tax deduction to those who are committed to growing and maintaining presentable facial hair.  The march is scheduled for April 1st, 2012.

Now, I know what you’re thinking: “this is just an elaborate April Fool’s day prank,” but there is much more to it than that.  To prove they are serious, the AMI has gained support from H&R Block, who has agreed to donate to a cause called Millions From One, an organization devoted to providing clean drinking water to those who are unable to find it for themselves.  This donation, according to the H&R Block official Facebook page, will be on behalf of those who are supporting the Stache Act by signing the petition and/or marching on April 1st.

Before you write this off as another silly publicity stunt, take a look at the celebrated white paper off which The Stache Act is based called “Mustached Americans And The Triple Bottom Line,” downloadable on the AMI website.  The paper, written by Dr. John Yeutter, Ph.D., CFP, and Associate Professor of Accounting and Tax Policy at Northeastern State University, explains how mustache growth on the part of “Mustached Americans” is beneficial to American society, the environment, and the U.S. economy.  Perhaps the most interesting statistic, found in a recent study conducted by Dr. Menjou-­‐Bartchen is the difference in income between clean shaven and mustached men.  The paper cites the study by saying “Mustached Americans earn 4.3 percent more than their clean-­shaven counterparts.”  The study concludes that households with clean-shaven men earn $63,507 a year, while households with mustached men earn an average of $2,730 more, or $66,237.  Assuming a federal tax rate of 25%, the Mustached American pays an average of $675 more per year in taxes.

So what are these subsidies meant to be used for? Mustache maintenance materials of course!  Dr. Yeutter estimates that a man with a well groomed mustache spends nearly 10% of his disposable income on grooming toiletries.  In his paper, Yeutter claims, “in order to maintain the power of income production, mustaches must be carefully maintained and groomed.”  He then goes on to list a number of things that the tax deduction can be used to purchase such as mustache and beard trimming instruments, wax and weightless conditioning agents, combs and mirrors, bacon, and wallet-sized photos of Burt Reynolds.

If you are interested in contributing to the Million Mustache March or supporting The Stache Act, look into marching on April 1st or look for merchandise on the AMI website or a simple Google search for Million Mustache March Merchandise.

I hope to see you all in Washington D.C.

Sincerely,
Tha Bearded Blogger

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